Lusting for more from life

I know I've been horrible about updating... sorry!

Lately life has been intense. Everything about it. Friendship... intense. Work... intense. Sleep deprivation... intense.

So much is changing. It's all so exciting, but nerve wrecking at the same time. I'm one who always wants and dreams of changes, but once I start seeing it happen I get very nervous.

I've backed out of the townhouse I was buying. There are just too many things I want to do with my life right now that I have no idea how I could handle the commitment of a mortgage.

I figure that I am barely 23. If I want to travel, do school or (heaven forbid) act my age --- now is the time to do it. I just feel trapped lately. Too much on my shoulders. Most 23 year olds are still in their "Crazy, drunken College Kid" phase... and I'm tired of having no spunk or flair because work has sucked the life out of me.

My job is a burden and a blessing in one. The company itself is amazing. They treat their employees with respect and appreciation. It provides me with the funds necessary to live the lifestyle I want, but it neglects to give me the time off to enjoy it to the fullest.

Burden. Blessing.

I always wish I could just act like some of my friends, though. Just so carefree. They are so content making minimum wage-- living pay check to pay check. I can't function that way. I don't know. Maybe I'm too high maintenance.

I thought going on vacation would give me the break from work I needed to help my motivation, but instead it made me realize how amazing it would be if I didn't have to work! Ha ha... so, quite the opposite from what I was wanting. But, it was certainly needed. That's for sure.

St Thomas was absolutely beautiful. Really there was nothing to do except lay on the beach... which was fine for me. I really enjoyed having nothing to do but lay around. The scenery was so gorgeous.

I just keep trying to enjoy the little things... like purchases. Ha ha... stop rolling your eyes at me. I love shopping and it really does make me happy, so that's all I need in life. Like, I just made a new purchase today... a fabulous new watch;

But, yeah... I've decided to keep myself happy and entertained this summer, I am going to do a lot of new things. Things that I've never done - never wanted to do - never even THOUGHT I would do. I don't have many specifics, but I know I'm going to do a lot. If anyone has suggestions, let me know!!