www.textsfromlastnight.com

(952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

(214): I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me

(254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

(248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

(760): she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.